Holtz-Stosch GmbH – Stuttgart: Language and Translation Services for International Business Communication

Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Athens airport.

“Nationality?” asks the immigration officer.

“German,” she replies.

“Occupation?”

“No, just here for a few days.”

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a ‘BEER GUT’ – He has developed a ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.’

2. He is not a ‘BAD DANCER’ – He is ‘ OVERLY CAUCASIAN.’

3. He does not ‘GET LOST ALL THE TIME’ – He ‘ INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.’

4. He is not ‘BALDING’ – He is in ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION.’

5. He does not act like a ‘TOTAL ASS’ – He develops a case of RECTAL- CRANIAL INVERSION.

6. It’s not his ‘CRACK’ you see hanging out of his pants – It’s ‘TROUSER CLEAVAGE.’

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a ‘ BABE’ or a ‘ CHICK’ – She is a BREASTED AMERICAN. ‘

2. She is not ‘EASY’ – She is ‘HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.’

3. She is not a ‘DUMB BLONDE’ – She is a ‘LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.’

4. She has not ‘ BEEN AROUND’ – She is a ‘PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.’

5. She does not ‘NAG’ you – She becomes ‘ VERBALLY REPETITIVE.’

6. She is not a ‘TWO-BIT HOOKER’ – She is a ‘ LOW COST PROVIDER.’

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America , Kentuckians, Tennesseans and WestVirginians will no longer be referred to as ‘HILLBILLIES.’

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

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